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Help Attorney General John Ashcroft Cover Up Porn!

A disturbing trend had taken place in this country, as various forms of pornography had filled the hallowed halls of justice in this country!  But one man had the courage and foresight to do something about it...  John Ashcroft is saving this country from obscenity.

After learning a great deal about cover ups from his friends at Enron, John Ashcroft has vowed to do some covering up of his own with some offending half-naked statues in the Department of Justice - with curtains.  Let's take a look! 

Ashcroft with the offending BREAST

Ashcroft with curtains - and no breasts


Picture of our beloved attorney general with the offensive piece of pornographic filth! 

(Photo credit: Joe Marquette - AP/File Photo)


Picture of our attorney general without the distracting and offensive work of so-called "art" portraying a half-naked woman.

Isn't that much better?  I mean, if John Ashcroft wanted half-naked breasts to appear with him at a news conference, he would have held it at a Victoria's Secret, right?  If John Ashcroft wanted to have his message to the God-fearing American public distracted by some perky fake breasts, he would have appointed Pamela Anderson to a Justice Department position, right?  But we don't want breasts in our government - we want decency!

So, now, I urge you all to join John Ashcroft's Crusade for Decency 2002 (now known as Operation CUPS)!  Think about all of the filth that is present in our Nation's heart!  There are lots of naked body parts all over our government.  No wonder Bill Clinton had an "inappropriate relationship" with an intern - how was he supposed to get any work done with all these naked breasts staring at him everywhere he looked?

It might surprise you that Carl Paul Jennewein, the "artist" responsible for the "art" in the Justice Department building also peddled his filth in other places in our Nation's capital.  In Judiciary Square, he has a piece called "Darlington Fountain" which features a naked woman and a deer (and you thought the ones in the Justice Department were bad!).  Given the Ashcroft treatment, the statue would appear like this:

Deer with covered naked woman

The deer would remain uncovered, as it is one of God's creatures and does not pose any obscenity.  But the rest of the nudity must go!

Did you know that there is filth in our Nation's Capitol building itself?  Probably the most sacred building in our country's capital (except for the National Cathedral, of course), there is pornography present in the sacred rotunda of this seat of our government.  It is offensive when you think that every time a Senator or Representative enters our building to go to work hard to promote family values, they must past these offensive body parts staring at them.  But, that is not nearly as offensive as the fact that millions of children each year visit this building, seeing uninhibited views of things that they should only see on cable TV!  Now, we have two options.  One is to only allow children to tour the Capitol with a parent or guardian.  But the other, more sensible thing to do, is to give the offending murals the Ashcroft treatment.

More naked women with animals

Breasts have no place in agriculture.  They get covered up.

A naked angel with George Washington?  Not in Hustler, but in the   Capitol!

Can you believe someone put a naked woman next to George Washington?  The only thing more offensive is that they made her appear as an angel...

More naked women with animals

Naked women and the sea.  Where does it end?

But did you know that there are even more examples of pornography present in our Nation's capital?  The National Gallery of Art should be more properly renamed "The National Gallery of Pornography".  There are 690 works of "art" that contain the word "nude" in their title!  So here we present some of them after they have been given the Ashcroft treatment:


covered painting covered painting covered painting
George Bellows
Nude with a Hexagonal Quilt
Federico Barocci
Two Nude Youths
François Boucher
Reclining Female Nude
covered painting covered painting covered painting
Kenyon Cox
Reclining Female Nude Study for "Painting"
M.C. Escher
Seated Female Nude
Théodore Gericault
Nude Warrior with a Spear
covered painting covered painting covered painting
Sir Peter Paul Rubens
Battle of Nude Men
Luca Signorelli
Two Nude Figures
Tom Wesselmann
The Great American Nude

So, I urge you all to get behind this effort!  Let's cover up indecent images with curtains!  This filth has no right to be in our Nation's capital.  When I go to our Nation's capital, I want to see righteousness, justice, and decency, not an anatomy lesson!  So let's all go buy some fabric, fire up those sewing machines, and start covering up offending images!