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Mike's Soapbox - Best 2009 Rants

1/1 - Site News:  Rants in Your Pants 3.0 -  Star Trek.  James Bond.  Battlestar Galactica.  Friday the 13th.  Batman.

What do they have in common?  All of them have been rebooted.

And soon, so will Rants in Your Pants.

Rants in Your Pants 3.0.  Coming soon.


2/11 - Miscellaneous:  We're back - So, I finally got off my lazy ass and updated the site.

What brought this all about?  Well, back in 2004, I had the great idea of going to a content management system.  I didn't need to do all the HTML formatting and I didn't have to worry about all the screwed up colors and stuff.

Only the thing was, I enjoyed the HTML and I enjoyed having all the screwed up colors.  It didn't look like any other page on the Web, and as soon as I went to the CMS, well, all the life in my site was gone,  And all the visitors left.

Then, I found out that the CMS software I was using was buggy as hell and unsecure.  While the HTML programming I use is so mid-90s, it is much more secure than some PHP code that can be hacked by SQL injection.

Besides, I left my old software engineering job that was sucking the life and creativity from me, so now I'm back.


3/12 - Politics:  Spending or tax cuts - Democrats want to spend, Republicans want tax cuts; both want to kick start the economy.  

Right now, I am unemployed, and a tax cut would do nothing to me.  But even if I had a job, what would I do with the money?  I'd stick it in the bank.  Why?  Because if I had a job, in this climate, I never know how long I might be able to hold onto it.

So we need to spend money on the economy to get things flowing again.  I don't like it - I'm a huge fiscal conservative - but I see that it is the only way to get money flowing through the system again.


3/20 - Politics:  I want a new job - I am thinking of sending my resume off to AIG.  I want one of those cool jobs where you get a big bonus.  Why?  Because I think I deserve a bonus.

Now, just bear with me.  Here's how I look at it.  Bonuses are given based on performance.  And AIG has had terrible performance - they lost millions!

I, on the other hand, lost nothing.  I made nothing, but at "0" my score is better than there negative 2 trillion dollars or whatever it was they lost.

So, I figure if I can get in at AIG, I can make a case why my performance was better than just about anyone else's there, and therefore, get my hands on some of those millions!


3/25 - Politics:  Criticizing the President - For the past eight years, anyone who ever said anything like "I think President Bush is doing a terrible job in waging the war on terror" or "I think the NSA wiretaps are wrong and unconstitutional" was said to be "unpatriotic" and "un-American."  In fact, Sarah Palin built her whole campaign around this premise.

But now that the shoe is on the other foot, what are Republicans whining about?  The same thing.  Take this quote from Republican Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana:  "Make no mistake: Anything other than an immediate and compliant, 'Why no sir, I don't want the president to fail,' is treated as some sort of act of treason, civil disobedience or political obstructionism. This is political correctness run amok."

So when a Democrat criticizes a Republican President, it's unpatriotic. But if a Republican criticizes a Democrat President, well, that's okay. No, that's hypocrisy.  

Here's what I think:  I think that any politician in power should not worry so much about speaking out that the President should fail and instead be putting that energy into seeing that America doesn't fail.


4/3 - Entertainment:  Niche Networks - I love the idea of a network that has a self-explaining title. It's Tuesday night, I'm in the mood for watching some science fiction, so where to turn? The SciFi channel, of course!

And what's on? Wrestling.  WTF?

And thus, this rant:

- SciFi shows documentaries, reality TV, and wrestling. Neither science nor fiction (well, the wrestling is at least fiction).

- MTV (which used to stand for "Music Television") hasn't shown a music video in what, twenty years or so?

- VH1 (which used to show music videos when MTV went non-music) now only shows the "Remember the 90s" and "I love the ..." and crap reality shows. Hey, remember VH1 in the 80s and 90s when they used to show music videos?

- History Channel.  I tuned into History Channel a few weeks ago and saw the movie "Hunt for Red October." Since when is Red October a history show? I seem to recall that being a work of fiction.

- AMC (which stands for American Movie Classics) presents the TV-Series "Mad Men." Okay, so you show movie but now you have a TV series? I'm waiting for the TVLand original movie.

- Cartoon Network is now airing live action shows.

- CNN Headline News, which used to show the headlines every half-hour, 24 hours a day is now only showing Nancy Grace and some crap-ass Entertainment Tonight knock-off. I'm guessing on the latter; I haven't watched Headline News in about 5 years. Seriously.

Based on that, I'm ready for a cartoon wrestling show to appear on Food Network; a sitcom to show up on Home and Garden Network; the new season of the Man Show on Women's Entertainment or Oxygen; a drama series on Comedy Central; and actual news to appear on Fox News.

4/15 - Entertainment:  Niche Networks (Continued) - I meant to also add "a TVLand original movie" to the list above, but wouldn't you know that something equally bizarre happened with TVLand? Remember when TVLand used to show reruns of classic series? Now, they are showing a reality TV show called "The Cougar" which is another fine reality show in the tradition of "Rock of Love Bus" and "The Bachelor." I'm just glad I have lots of DVDs.

Politics:  Teabagging - Can someone explain this to me? I mean, Bush loses and Obama wins, the economy is in a crapper, and now people are complaining about taxes? What did I miss? Where were the teabaggers six months ago? I just don't get it.


6/9 - General:  I still got it! - I got carded seeing "The Hangover" today. I happened to be in line with a bunch of high school kids, and so when I got up there, I was surprised when the guy asked me for my ID.

Then, I was sitting in the theater thinking, "God, someone's got awful BO!" It was a few minutes later that I realized I was sitting alone, and that smell was ME. I had forgotten to shower. Oops.

Oh, and the movie was freaking awesome - it's been a while since I laughed out loud uncontrollably in a theater! Best movie of the year!

6/10 - General:  Do insects poop? - I was just curious about this while I was mowing the yard. I saw some flies, and I just wondered if insects poop or not.

6/28 - Entertainment:  Too much Michael Jackson - Okay, so Michael Jackson is dead. We get it. But can we get a break?

And what's with all the crazy comparisons. Here's the stupidest one I heard - sorry, I can't remember which crappy media outlet said it. "When Diana died, the world lost its Princess. When Michael died, the world lost its King."

Yeah, that stupid soundbite lodged itself in my head and won't leave. Grrrrr...

Entertainment:  Let the conspiracy theories begin - First Farrah, then Michael Jackson, now Billy Mays.

Oh, and how could I forget Ed McMahon?

6/29 - Politics:  Are they still rioting in Iran? - I can't tell, because Michael Jackson is still dead.


12/13 - Sports:  Thank you Tiger Woods - Thank you Tiger Woods! You saved our nation from being paralyzed in fear about H1N1. After your indiscretions, it's now like "What's H1N1?" Thank you very much!