The Best of Gizz's Page 2004
by Georgia Maclean-Henry aka "Gizz"
Wow, I'm being offered half of Saddam's money!! Usually I'd think this is some sort of spam, but it's from an American soldier in Iraq, so it MUST be for real!!!
On a more serious note, I'd be pretty pissed off recieving this sort of shit if any of my family/friends died in the Iraq war. It's sick really.
'Dear Sgt. Fitte,
Thank you for considering me for this exciting venture. I will get back to you after I have dealt with the offers I've received from George Bush and Osama Bin Laden.
> Message date : Sep 02 2004, 07:37 PM
> From : "phillip osunde" <firstname.lastname@example.org> To :
> gizz Copy to :
> Subject : mail for you Gizz
> FROM: Sgt. John Fitte
> Important Message
> To President / Managing Director.
> Good day to you.
> My name is John m fitte i am an American soldier, i am serving in the
> military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq(Suleymaniyyih), we have
> just been posted to leave Iraq and go back to Germany. I am now in
> Kuwait at the mean time, I and my superior moved funds belonging to
> Saddam Hussein, the total is $25,000,000.00 (Twenty Five million US
> dollars) this money is being kept safe in a security company.
> Basically since we are working for the government we cannot keep these
> funds, but we want to transfer and move the funds to you, so that you
> can keep it for us in your safe account or an offshore account.
> We will divide the total funds into to two, since we are 2 that is
> involved. This means that you will take 50%, I and my superior will
> take 50%. This business is confidential, and it should not be
> discussed with anyone.
> There is no risk involved whatsoever.
> If you are interested i will send you the full details, my job is to
> find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can i
> trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail
> signifying your interest including your most confidential
> telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact
> details.This business is risk free.
> Reply to this message should be sent to email@example.com
> Respectfully submitted Sgt. John Fitte
Why Dad's shouldn't baby-sit
This is especially for you and Alex!!
> Here is a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made
> entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there, but when
> you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box.
> .............Would you use it????!!
> Imagine trying to take a
> piss and then some shitty little kids run over and press their faces
> against the glass!! Hmm....good paedophile market there methinks.
> :-/ Ah well, wouldn't be a problem if it was in Torquay - you wouldn't
> be able to see out of it 'cos it'd be covered in shit after a week!!!!
Run out of toilet paper?? Here's a good alternative for all those who consider themselves to be 'Hard Arses'.
Craig, life doesn't suck that much!
Need an idea for a new tattoo??
(Note: Some pics are not safe for work)
The Miss Wales 2004 Contest. 'Nuff said.
Miss Wales Finalists
Morwen (21) is a typical South Wales Valley’s beauty. Incredibly intelligent, she has a City and Guilds in Laundry studies from Pontypridd Polytechnic. Home is in Penrhys with her Mam and Dad (who also happens to be her Grandad, what a close family!)
She says her best feature is her slightly damp, hairy top lip which “drives men wild!”.
Morwen’s favourite position is 69 “I like a man who takes his time down there” she says.
Cerys (23 and from Swansea) is a fox and she knows it.
She loves to dance dirty with men on the dance floor at ‘Cinderella’s’ and whip them into a frenzy of sexual desire.
“I know I am a bit of a tease but take a look at me, you know I have the pick of the best!”
She says that what drives her wild is men kissing her armpits and playing with her big hair.
Gwyneth (25) is always popular with both the guys and girls of Aberporth, she is a resident of Jones Street living in a 2-bed maisonette with both her parents and her Mam’s parents.
With her natural good looks Gwyneth pulls every time. “I have never been left until the end of the evening” she says.
Gwyneth is an accomplished typist, having six fingers on each hand. She says it helps her in bed “ I love to fondle a mans bits while I kiss him deep and long and slow.”
Rhian (19) is a gorgeous brunette and hails from Barry. Daughter of a local chip shop owner, Rhian admits to having a soft spot for a bit of sausage – in batter, “I loves it and so do the men… When I’m serving in the shop I love to show off my ass. I think it’s my best feature, so I always wear a G string and tight lycra leggings to work. Sometimes if I am feeling really cheeky I like to let a little bit of my underwear show when I bend over!”
Katrin (18) always likes to look her best as a modelling job means that she has to be ready for that big break and the chance move away from her home in The Gurnos, Merthyr.
“I do like to pamper myself and think nothing of spending £70 on my hair. Men notice too and they love to run their fingers through it when I snog them”
“I was offered a part in Beverly Hills 90210 but turned it down as I did not just want to be known for my good looks.”
Sara (24) loves to sing loves songs at karaoke. “I will pick the best looking guy in the room and sing to him. I don’t care if he has a girlfriend, he will be leaving with me!”
Sara is a sexual predator from Neath and will eat you up. “I can satisfy any man in bed but prefer it up against a car or somewhere with a hint of danger”
“My best feature is my face cos when you look like me you know I don’t need makeup to be beautiful”.
Catherine-Zeta (25) is Trebanog beauty and always gets confused with her more famous name sake.
“Men always ask me for my autograph.” she says, “It is not just my face but my body too”
“People can’t believe I come from Trebanog – “I thought they were all ugly in-breeds up there but you are gorgeous.” They say to me. It makes me laugh knowing they all want to get into my pants!”
Cerys (21) lives in Newport and feels it holds her back “ I don’t like to tell a guy where I live in case it ruins my chances so I normally say I just live in Gwent.”
With only 7 kids Donna is a real catch and she knows it.
“I love to get all my kids involved when I bring a man back home (which is most weekends). My youngest can even get the lid off the KY now but I let the oldest push it in”
Mair (17 years) is the bookies favourite. The blonde locked beauty lives with the rest of her 89 brothers and sisters on a farm north of Dowlais.
As you can, see Mair loves to dress to please, which is probably why she temps so many men back to her field after the local pubs close “I like to be well done” she bleets teasingly.
They'll be needin' a few more of these the rate things are going....
Sometimes I get bored and I think about things way too much. For example:
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
> squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
> Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
> eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
> point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
> Can blind people see their dreams?
> If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all
> that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
...Or hire a hitman??
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
> Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
> same tune?
> Stop singing and read on . ... . . . .. . . .
> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
> you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
> A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
> show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he
> starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman
> in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
> "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think
> you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's
> hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you
> who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
> community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because
> you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not
> only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
> The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
> yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit
> on your knee."
VeX sent Gizz a birthday card...
And Gizz responds:
I always knew that Binks fellow was bad news - must warn the rest of the
world!!!!! Run!! Run from Jar-Jar!!!!!!
Heh heh. The Flame Wars Forum are a great idea! Think of all the religious freaks
you get on there - and all their answers are the same: "It's true 'cos it
says in the Bible." Yes, and my translation of the Bible says I can spear
you many times in the face with a staple extractor until your tears of
lament leak out of your chin, asshole!!! Mwa ha ha haaa!! Bring it on!!!!
......and I'm not even arguing with anyone yet!! *sigh*
But then I hardly ever get time to go on the Net these days. Guess why. No
guess - you won't believe me! Over the past few weeks I've been spending my
evenings in ..............the GYM!!!!!!! *gasp*
Why would a lazy bastard like me go to the gym you ask?? Well, it's 'cos
they make me! They make me go or they won't be my friends!! (No not the
voices - my friends. I have friends who aren't imaginary you know.
But hey, now I have something called 'muscle'. It's very interesting stuff!
It weighs more than fat so it makes you heavier, but you look slimmer, see?
It's also good if you get in a fight. Come on you bunch of twats! Come and
beat me up on Christmas Day now!! I'll kill you. KILL YOU, you scum!!!!
Anyway, I s'pose I need to shut up now. I'm rambling because I've eaten
some sugar. And sugar processes much faster when you've been going to the
Gym - just like alcohol, as my birthday proves...
*How many people can I lick in the remaining 30 minutes of work?*
*.......eeeeeeeeeeeewwwww - salty!!*
Now I know why kids these days are such little bastards - their role models are hardly ideal...
Did you ever watch Catchphrase?
Would you have wanted to be the contestant when this picture came up?
Look at the picture first; it should only take you a second to come up with an answer. Then scroll down for the ‘correct’ answer.
And remember: Say what you see !!!!
It’s good, but it’s not right…
The correct answer was "Holding down a job", you sick pervert.
The best Fantasy Football League in all Middle Earth:
> My neighbour is looking for a good home for their cat. He said it's
> lovable and friendly, but his wife said the cat makes her nervous when it
> stares at her, silly I know, but she says she wants it out of the house.
> If you know of anyone please let me know! Please see the picture before
Read the story first, then scroll down!
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside the printer. He tried to remove
The pen, but I told him we didn't have time for that now, and just to put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.
He obviously grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it. I left
Before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a suspicious piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Clearly sometimes things don't always come across the way you want